Today, I can't relive the trauma of the fire - part two of how the day unfolded is coming, just not today. The days are going by in a blur, I can't keep track anymore. When I started January, my body and mind were on track for marathon training. Long runs and work outs were going well and a bit of confidence was growing. Now, I feel like I pulled the "Go to jail, go directly to jail - do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars" card in Monopoly. I can't seem to focus on training - I know you are thinking, "You are crazy for trying, Nat", but I want to try, I need to go back to some normalcy.
The days are long and filled with paperwork, FEMA phone calls and appointments, new school options for Elle (she isn't really on board and misses her friends. Another heartbreak...), establishing some sort of routine for the kids (everyone feels so off), longer term living options, plans to get back to our house to access damages, what is salvagable, how to save smoke damaged belongings (I think the mattresses all have to be dumped - would you want to sleep on that?) and a million other things. We also left windows open in two out of three of our bathrooms and THAT is going to be a real mess. Kicking myself for not thinking about it, but we left so fast. I still remember us yelling at each other in a frantic way,"We've got to get out of HERE."
Add all of this to the fact that Elle would normally be in school and now she needs me more than ever. Who has time to train?
Today, we went to the park and played tag, took turns on the swings, explored the play structure like we were toddlers and played games. I gave her my undivided attention and it felt so good. Sometimes I wish I could throw my phone in the toilet and never look back.
The winds really started picking up, we could see smoke in the sky and the sudden smell of another fire (Hughes fire at Castiac) - California is completely on fire and we can't seem to escape it. Are we living in hell?
Elle received a package from my talented friend Christine and her family - they've become family friends now and I was able to capture the moment before we ran inside to find clean, smokeless air.
Off to the library...
And later thoughts of how I am going to pull off a marathon in 10 weeks? The marathon I chose - you cannot muddle your way through it. It's a serious race and I need to be all in, so I've got to get it together, but also give myself grace for all that we are going through.
My friend Jess told me that 10 weeks is a sweet spot for focused training, so I'm going to hold onto to that...
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